


Luna Park

by WritingforTheAvengers



Category: Avengers, Bucky Barnes - Fandom, MCU, Marvel, Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: F/M, I might post it again when i come back, I think I deleted it from tumblr, I'm not totally disgusted by this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 20:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12942831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: After an awful night for (Y/N) and Bucky, they decide to bring the past to the present for one day, but it didn't come alone.





	Luna Park

A soft knock woke (Y/N) up. She couldn’t tell what time it was, but there was no light that came through the curtains, so she guessed it must have been very late –or early–. The nocking didn’t stop, and it came along with a voice that called from outside. She groaned, but as the noises didn’t cease, she decided to get up and welcome the unwanted late-visitor. She crossed her apartment on her bare feet.

  
“God, what in everything that’s holy are you doing here?” She grumpily muttered. “Buck, it’s too early to be up and waking people up,” she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and looked again, “you look like you’re about to cry, what happened?”

  
“I know, I know,” the visitor apologized shaking his head. “It’s just that I needed someone and you were the only one I could think of,” (Y/N) sighed and let him in. He looked like a child that was coming into his parents’ bedroom after a nightmare. She headed to the bathroom and washed her face, it was going to be a long night. “I need you,” he said while she was inside. After everything that happened between the two of them, (Y/N) thought she was the last person that he might have wanted to see. A tortuous love that ended up in two broken hearts and a thousand tears shed was more than they could take, and so they decided to fall apart from one another until things were more or less settled. From that, over a year had gone by and none of their hearts seemed to find peace; it was undeniable that they loved each other, but their prides and the fear of falling and crashing was too big to even think of beginning again.

She drank a glass of water, taking a while to think about the few things that had just happened, and when she got out of the bathroom, she saw Bucky already curled inside her bed. He tried his best to not shake or move, or do anything out of the norm. He longed to be a normal person again, without whatever HYDRA had got into his brain, he wanted to be just like everyone else. Once she was more awake, (Y/N) saw him and gave him a light smile. He corresponded it, but if she looked at him –really looked at him– she could see the sadness in his eyes, the longing for a better life and the toll that a life of brainwashing, wiping and killing had on him.

“I’m sorry for barging in your apartment like this… and after everything that happened…” he apologized.

“Don’t even mention that,” she replied quickly, grabbing a blanket from one of the drawers of her commode.

“Wait, where are you going?” Bucky asked when (Y/N) was coming out of the dorm. “You’re not gonna sleep with me… like in the old times?” The two stayed in silence knowing they were silently observing what the other did, how their bodies reacted to the distance, they had never been that close in a year, even though they were in two separate spots of the room. “Come with me,”

“Don’t push your luck, Jaime…” she sighed, “you know, it’s hard enough for me to even think of you, let alone have you here. We’ll talk it over in the morning, ok? Now get some sleep,” she crossed the doorway and headed to her couch, dozing off just a few minutes after.

(Y/N) had forgotten about many events from the night before, including that she had James Barnes inside her place. At first, she thought that a nice burglar was making breakfast, but when she heard the guest calling her name, she realized it was him. They had breakfast in silence, while (Y/N) made a plan in her mind to cheer him up. She was sitting in front of the man that broke her heart and shattered it into a million pieces, but she couldn’t deny that all that love had not gone away, not even a little bit. She remembered that Steve had told her a long ago how much the new Bucky wanted to go again to Coney Island, to the park.

“What are you thinking, doll?” Bucky asked, dragging (Y/N) out of her thoughts. “I know that look, I’ve seen it a hundred times,”

“I was just thinking that… I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I wanted to cheer you up”

“Letting me spend the night here is more than enough for me,” Bucky smiled, “especially after everything that happened between us—”

“Don’t,” she shook her head and pursed her lips. “Don’t do that, don’t go that way,”

“No, you don’t avoid this,” Bucky’s voice was stronger now. “You’ve avoided me for more than a year, you even left the team and the compound. Why would you?” (Y/N) looked away, but Bucky insisted, “(Y/N) answer me,”

“It was you. It was all because of you,” she sighed. “How could I stay there with everyone, while you wandered around my mind and around the building? James, you still don’t understand it?” She asked, furrowing her brows. “I was with you because I wasn’t afraid of you, I loved you so much and I wanted you to get better, I wanted you to be, to feel better… God, I just wanted to make you happy… And then you threw everything we had to the trashcan, and you broke up with me because…. Why?”

“I didn’t want you to get hurt,” Bucky looked down at his plate and moved the bits of food with the fork he loosely held, “especially after what HYDRA did to me,” his voice was filled with regret of letting her go; none of them had stopped loving each other. (Y/N) rolled her eyes in exasperation, she was never the kind of person that needed to be saved.

“Well, what a bright fucking plan, captain smart-ass, try saving my broken heart now,” she got up quickly, leaving her half-eaten breakfast in the trashcan and the, now empty, plate on the sink. “Finish your… goddamned breakfast, I’ll go get a shower,”

When the two were ready, Bucky was still clueless on what (Y/N) had in mind. She told him to get in the car and the music filled the awkward silence. The former HYDRA assassin wanted to break it, but he feared that if he tried, she would consider pushing him out of the car, so he just sighed instead and remained silent.

“You know,” she finally said, “when we were together, there was always something and roamed in my mind,” (Y/N) gave him a quick glance. “I mean, you sure as hell were a hero, you were a fucking avenger for fuck’s sake, but I always thought that that man just wasn’t you,” she shrugged “I’ve always thought that you needed to stop trying to be the hero all the time and just be you. You might have liked yourself,”

“I was turned into a killer, (Y/N). There’s no way I could like myself,” he let out a breathy chuckle “By the way, where are we going, I swear I know this place,”

“Coney Island baby, you deserve some distraction and some of the good ol’ days”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me, Luna Park?” Bucky asked, his voice filled with excitement.

“Damn right,” she replied. “Though this is the new one, rather similar to the one you two dorks met,”

They parked near the entrance, and made their way to park. Bucky looked like a child that’s been taken to a candy shop with unlimited money to spend in whatever he wanted. They paid for the special tickets that would grant them free access to the attractions for four whole hours. They went together in most of the attractions; forgetting for once the bad times and reminiscing the past that was once so bright for both. When they went on the roller coaster, (Y/N) held Bucky’s hand tight, and he remembered why he loved her, why he still did. It was the way she held on to him for safety, or for whatever reason.

“That’s why I love you,” he muttered, hoping the noise form the park would hide his words.

“You said something?” (Y/N) asked, not really sure of what she heard.

“No, I didn’t,”

He shook the thought away and decided to enjoy the day. It was true, he needed it. After a while, they felt slightly hungry, so they headed for some corn dogs from a stall near. They were taking a walk on the shore side as they happily munched their food.

“I’m not good with words, but thank you,” Bucky said, smiling at (Y/N). “I never thought you and I would be like this again,”

“After everything that happened…” she continued, “I haven’t changed that much since we broke up, James. I still want you to get better and I still want HYDRA out of your head”

“And me?” (Y/N) frowned in confusion, “do you still want me?”

“I don’t wanna talk about-”

“No, we have to talk. Cut the bullshit (Y/N),” Bucky said firmly, making (Y/N) turn to face him. “Do you still love me?”

“How could I not love you?” she asked back, “Bucky, you were the most important guy in my life, and you can be well damned sure that you still are. My life was a constant wandering and moving and then you appeared in the picture,” her jaw shivered, “I was so alone… and then I met you,” (Y/N) shook her head and blinked a few times to stop her eyes from getting teary, “but you broke me; you tore me apart,” she glared at him, feeling how the heartbreak took over.

“You think I wasn’t torn too?” (Y/N) couldn’t fight back. “God, (Y/N) leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve come across. You think I wanted to let you go?” Bucky shook his head.

“No, of course I didn’t want to then, and I still don’t. But you think I wanted to live with the fear of waking up one day and hurting you, or even worse, killing you because HYDRA is still messing with my brain and there’s no one who can figure out how to take this shit out?”

“I could ride that fear with you, Bucky!” She exclaimed. “I was willing to do it!”

“Don’t you understand?” Bucky cupped (Y/N)’s face with his shaking hands, his voice had lowered a little “I couldn’t afford to lose you… I still can’t afford to lose you… I adore you (Y/N), since I half got back, you have been there with me thought hell and back. How could I bear any of the things I just told you?”

“You could’ve asked me…” (Y/N) held Bucky’s wrists. “You could’ve talked to me about it. We would’ve found away” (Y/N) pressed her forehead against Bucky’s, “I loved you…”

“Doll, I loved you too, and I still do…”

“Pray that’s not too late, Barnes, you fucking pray for it,” she replied, releasing his wrists and instead, wrapping her arms around his warm torso, a place that she had always thought it felt like home, and after a year, it still did.


End file.
